I walk up the path to your house, or at least to what I think is your house. The large number of cars parked on the street and onto the driveway suggest that it is the house with the party.
The bright yellow lights spilling out of the windows of the front rooms illuminate the steps and the front porch. I pause and look inside but don't spot you among the beautiful people in colorful sweaters holding drinks visible through the windows. When there is no answer to my knocking, I open the front door and let myself into the din of the conversations. It is warm inside the house, a welcome relief from the cold dark outside. When I take off my coat to find a place to hang it, I don't recognize the brown leather coat, handsome but well worn, that I am holding in my hand. I feel inside the pockets but they are empty.
"The coat closet's full, I am afraid. You will have to put it on the pile of coats in the dining room corner."
"Thanks. I was wondering what to do with the coat," I say, and extend my hand to the woman with the directions. "I am Michael, a friend of the birthday girl."
"And I am Stephanie. Also a friend of the birthday girl." she said, suppressing a giggle to shake my hand. "Come get a drink when you are ready."
I watched her weave her way back through the folks hanging out in the passageway, hoping she'd walk up to you.
Not caring to figure out the coat anymore, I deposit it in the dining room and head towards the kitchen. I don't recognize anyone that I see.
A glass of red wine in hand, I walk around to look for you in the rooms filled with conversations.
"Aren't you going to wish me?," you ask from behind me.
"I have", I say under my breath before turning around to face you, "I have wished for you all of my life."
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Magic
Turn your magic on
To me she'd say
Everything you want is a dream away
-------------------- From "Adventure of a Lifetime" by Coldplay
The din of the restaurant around us fades as my eyes focus on your lips. You are telling me something you are excited about, but your words flow past me. I am enthralled by the light in your eyes, the way your raven hair frames your face, the way your mouth shapes the words you are saying, your unadorned neck moving ever so slightly as you speak. I echo the smile in your eyes and reach for your free hand with mine, caressing it ever so slightly. You pause to put a forkfull of pasta into your mouth and I raise my glass of wine to you. With a clink you touch your glass to mine and we both enjoy the wine for a bit.
"You weren't listening to me, were you?"
"I was listening to every little movement of your face."
"What am I going to do with you?," you say, laughing happily.
"I know exactly what I am going to do with you. When we get home, that is." I reach across to caress your lips briefly.
"Michael, be serious!"
"I couldn't be more serious, my love. It is your birthday and I have a nightful of dreams to make."
To me she'd say
Everything you want is a dream away
-------------------- From "Adventure of a Lifetime" by Coldplay
The din of the restaurant around us fades as my eyes focus on your lips. You are telling me something you are excited about, but your words flow past me. I am enthralled by the light in your eyes, the way your raven hair frames your face, the way your mouth shapes the words you are saying, your unadorned neck moving ever so slightly as you speak. I echo the smile in your eyes and reach for your free hand with mine, caressing it ever so slightly. You pause to put a forkfull of pasta into your mouth and I raise my glass of wine to you. With a clink you touch your glass to mine and we both enjoy the wine for a bit.
"You weren't listening to me, were you?"
"I was listening to every little movement of your face."
"What am I going to do with you?," you say, laughing happily.
"I know exactly what I am going to do with you. When we get home, that is." I reach across to caress your lips briefly.
"Michael, be serious!"
"I couldn't be more serious, my love. It is your birthday and I have a nightful of dreams to make."
Thursday, September 13, 2018
till you
I see your name
but you are not there
and I feel the loss
of all the words left unsaid
till you...
love me
but you are not there
and I feel the loss
of all the words left unsaid
till you...
love me
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
From JJ: Pool
(Found another vignette by you!)
It was gorgeous today, so I went to the pool. I sat in the sun for a long time, just enjoying the heat on my skin and the sound of the water. I ordered a Screwdriver. You know that's what I like to drink. I thought of you as I lay there in the sun - nothing in particular, really, just my mind remembering moments with you, like the first time you took me to Apollo, and how I felt the first time I saw what you look like, and what you sounded like when we made love.
I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to go into the pool bathroom, so I went to the powder room on the upper floor. It was deserted in there, except for me. I guess it was thinking of you and the sunlight and the alcohol, but I was so horny, so wet. I reached down between my legs and used my fingers to make myself cum while I bit into my lip so I didn't cry out. All alone, in the bathroom stall.
I miss loving you and fucking you and kneeling to you.
After you read this, delete it, and we'll pretend I never said these things.
By JJ, many years ago
It was gorgeous today, so I went to the pool. I sat in the sun for a long time, just enjoying the heat on my skin and the sound of the water. I ordered a Screwdriver. You know that's what I like to drink. I thought of you as I lay there in the sun - nothing in particular, really, just my mind remembering moments with you, like the first time you took me to Apollo, and how I felt the first time I saw what you look like, and what you sounded like when we made love.
I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to go into the pool bathroom, so I went to the powder room on the upper floor. It was deserted in there, except for me. I guess it was thinking of you and the sunlight and the alcohol, but I was so horny, so wet. I reached down between my legs and used my fingers to make myself cum while I bit into my lip so I didn't cry out. All alone, in the bathroom stall.
I miss loving you and fucking you and kneeling to you.
After you read this, delete it, and we'll pretend I never said these things.
By JJ, many years ago
Saturday, July 28, 2018
From JJ: Her story
(I found this story written by you.. from so many years ago! It connects most directly to this vignette)
I’m in your arms when you say, “I want to take you somewhere special, a favorite place of mine.”
My eyes narrow slightly and I tilt my head. “Like the place we met?”
You laugh and I feel warmth in my chest and other places. “No, not a dungeon. This is a beautiful place, it’s called Apollo. The kind of place you take someone on a date.”
In moments, we materialize surrounded by green. Trees form overhead against a bright blue sky and flowers trace paths over rolling hills. A park.
You take my hand. “Come, it’s this way.”
I follow behind you, my willingness already a natural response.
“There it is. Come, sit.”
I watch you walk to a chair set up amongst the trees. Not an ordinary chair, but exotic, masculine, as if created for a warrior. You sit with practiced ease, stretching out your long legs. I stand before you, unsure of what to do. “Click here,” you instruct, and when I do, my body settles on your lap, my head on your shoulder, my legs draped over yours. An intimate position, one with the promise of greater intimacy to come. Again, I feel warmth spread through me; nervous desire and something harder to name.
You stroke my hair and whisper into my ear, “We fit perfectly together.”
I feel your fingers run over my calf and along my thigh. You’re so sure of yourself, but isn’t that what I find most attractive about you? I remember our first meeting. It had been brief, one of hundreds of encounters in this place, but in those few minutes I could feel your intensity drawing me in. “Why did you contact me? I didn’t expect it.”
“I didn’t plan to. I normally wouldn’t, but…”
“What?”
“I kept thinking about you.” You draw a finger over my lips in a gentle caress. “I’m not sure why.”
Your shirt opens over the dusky skin of your chest and I slide my hand inside, needing to touch you.
“I didn’t expect to hear from you because I read on your profile about your partner.”
You look me straight in the eye. “Yes.” No excuses. No denials. Just, “yes”.
“So, am I to be your mistress?”
Your laughter is deep and genuine. “You are to be my lover. I know this.”
Anger flashes through me at your presumptuousness. “You already have a lover, one you claim to adore.”
“I did adore her once. I still care for her, but she isn’t right for me. I can’t be my true self with her.”
“What does that mean? What is your true self?” The silence lasts so long I almost ask again.
“There’s a darkness in me, baby. I’m afraid it might frighten you away.”
I can’t deny my shiver of anticipation. We're the same, you and I. That's the bond we share. “Trust me, it won’t.”
--- By JJ many years ago
I’m in your arms when you say, “I want to take you somewhere special, a favorite place of mine.”
My eyes narrow slightly and I tilt my head. “Like the place we met?”
You laugh and I feel warmth in my chest and other places. “No, not a dungeon. This is a beautiful place, it’s called Apollo. The kind of place you take someone on a date.”
In moments, we materialize surrounded by green. Trees form overhead against a bright blue sky and flowers trace paths over rolling hills. A park.
You take my hand. “Come, it’s this way.”
I follow behind you, my willingness already a natural response.
“There it is. Come, sit.”
I watch you walk to a chair set up amongst the trees. Not an ordinary chair, but exotic, masculine, as if created for a warrior. You sit with practiced ease, stretching out your long legs. I stand before you, unsure of what to do. “Click here,” you instruct, and when I do, my body settles on your lap, my head on your shoulder, my legs draped over yours. An intimate position, one with the promise of greater intimacy to come. Again, I feel warmth spread through me; nervous desire and something harder to name.
You stroke my hair and whisper into my ear, “We fit perfectly together.”
I feel your fingers run over my calf and along my thigh. You’re so sure of yourself, but isn’t that what I find most attractive about you? I remember our first meeting. It had been brief, one of hundreds of encounters in this place, but in those few minutes I could feel your intensity drawing me in. “Why did you contact me? I didn’t expect it.”
“I didn’t plan to. I normally wouldn’t, but…”
“What?”
“I kept thinking about you.” You draw a finger over my lips in a gentle caress. “I’m not sure why.”
Your shirt opens over the dusky skin of your chest and I slide my hand inside, needing to touch you.
“I didn’t expect to hear from you because I read on your profile about your partner.”
You look me straight in the eye. “Yes.” No excuses. No denials. Just, “yes”.
“So, am I to be your mistress?”
Your laughter is deep and genuine. “You are to be my lover. I know this.”
Anger flashes through me at your presumptuousness. “You already have a lover, one you claim to adore.”
“I did adore her once. I still care for her, but she isn’t right for me. I can’t be my true self with her.”
“What does that mean? What is your true self?” The silence lasts so long I almost ask again.
“There’s a darkness in me, baby. I’m afraid it might frighten you away.”
I can’t deny my shiver of anticipation. We're the same, you and I. That's the bond we share. “Trust me, it won’t.”
--- By JJ many years ago
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Nights
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
---------- From "Volcano" by Damien Rice
It is the same night. Same as a thousand other nights. And I cannot find sleep.
In the silence within the rain outside I cannot stop thinking about what I have lost. So I go out to the porch facing the waves on the beach with my bottle of Talisker for company. So many years have now passed since we met and parted. It is a story that I cannot forget and that you won't remember.
The rain is particularly vicious tonight, beating down all around the house. There is a palpable disquiet in the air. Even the waves seem subdued, washing listlessly up the beach. Surrounded by water, I sit drenched in remembering. Without you my love, where else can my mind go in this world? There is no desire but the one for you. Draining my glass of whisky in one fiery futile attempt to quench my longing, I lean back and close my eyes and wait to hear your footsteps.
It is the same night. Same as a thousand other nights. And I can't find my way to you.
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
---------- From "Volcano" by Damien Rice
It is the same night. Same as a thousand other nights. And I cannot find sleep.
In the silence within the rain outside I cannot stop thinking about what I have lost. So I go out to the porch facing the waves on the beach with my bottle of Talisker for company. So many years have now passed since we met and parted. It is a story that I cannot forget and that you won't remember.
The rain is particularly vicious tonight, beating down all around the house. There is a palpable disquiet in the air. Even the waves seem subdued, washing listlessly up the beach. Surrounded by water, I sit drenched in remembering. Without you my love, where else can my mind go in this world? There is no desire but the one for you. Draining my glass of whisky in one fiery futile attempt to quench my longing, I lean back and close my eyes and wait to hear your footsteps.
It is the same night. Same as a thousand other nights. And I can't find my way to you.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
A million times
There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams,
Yet slips away from us?
------------- From "Who wants to live forever" by Queen There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams,
Yet slips away from us?
A thousand times these stories unfold like memories in my mind. A thousand doors to walk through to you. A thousand stars in the night sky as we lay entwined in the warmth of our beach. On and on I love you, and on and on I lose you. A million lies, one with every breath, one with every step in this world. A million caresses on memories of your face, a million kisses for the taste of your lips, a million times you tremble in my arms. A million times I reach for you, a million times you withdraw your breath, a million times I become your lover. The sea stretches achingly into the horizon, but there is no touching the sky. On and on I tell you of my love, and on and on you find the mysteries in my words.
If there is a single truth, a singular thought, it must be that one of us does not exist. I cannot tell which one of us is real.
Monday, May 21, 2018
Fade
Some kind of light into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Fade into you
Strange, you never knew
-------- From "Fade into you" by Mazzy Star
Give me a reason... give me a reason to not dream of you.
I stop, standing still just inside the glass revolving-door hotel entrance, to watch you as you sit on the deeply-cushioned white-leather couch flipping the pages of some glossy magazine. I can see you half-glance at the pictures on the pages as you keep an eye on the dark wooden check-in counter. It isn't quite 3 pm yet. You are early, as I expected you would be. I cannot help but smile as I see you reach for the glass of white wine from the table by your side. Your familiar raven hair cascades in small waves down to your shoulders from under the wide-brimmed straw hat you are wearing. You are wearing a dress, a bright floral one. I know you wore it to please me, and that makes me happy. I follow the muscles of your lower left leg with my eyes as you swing it in time to the music in the hotel lobby, on to your bare arms from your hands up to your shoulders and pause at the movement in your neck as you drink your wine. Your neck is my fetish.
I cannot wait any longer and stride over to the check-in clerk. My back to you, I speak louder than usual knowing that my voice will catch your mind.
I wait until no one is in front of the elevator before getting into one.
"My god, Michael," you say as you glide into the elevator as I hold the door open for you, "I have waited for this day for so long".
I pull you into my arms as the elevator door closes.
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Fade into you
Strange, you never knew
-------- From "Fade into you" by Mazzy Star
Give me a reason... give me a reason to not dream of you.
I stop, standing still just inside the glass revolving-door hotel entrance, to watch you as you sit on the deeply-cushioned white-leather couch flipping the pages of some glossy magazine. I can see you half-glance at the pictures on the pages as you keep an eye on the dark wooden check-in counter. It isn't quite 3 pm yet. You are early, as I expected you would be. I cannot help but smile as I see you reach for the glass of white wine from the table by your side. Your familiar raven hair cascades in small waves down to your shoulders from under the wide-brimmed straw hat you are wearing. You are wearing a dress, a bright floral one. I know you wore it to please me, and that makes me happy. I follow the muscles of your lower left leg with my eyes as you swing it in time to the music in the hotel lobby, on to your bare arms from your hands up to your shoulders and pause at the movement in your neck as you drink your wine. Your neck is my fetish.
I cannot wait any longer and stride over to the check-in clerk. My back to you, I speak louder than usual knowing that my voice will catch your mind.
I wait until no one is in front of the elevator before getting into one.
"My god, Michael," you say as you glide into the elevator as I hold the door open for you, "I have waited for this day for so long".
I pull you into my arms as the elevator door closes.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Raven hair
If you are lost
you can look
and you will find me
time after time
------ "time after time" by Cindy Lauper
In many different worlds, many different suns set across the water from our house on the beach. As I sit in my favourite rocking chair on our back porch with a glass of whiskey in my hand, I cannot recall whether I have lost you yet in this world or not. It is a subdued kind of evening, with the gentle repetitive sound of the waves broken only by the occasional cry of the hawk that nests at the far corner of our land. The blood red of the setting sun has suffused the waves with an amber that matches the color of the fire in my glass. I drain the remaining whiskey down in one gulp and reach for the bottle of Talisker on the rickety three legged stool on my left that you have long tried to get rid off in all these worlds. Smiling at the memory, I pour myself another shot and settle back to enjoy the rest of the sunset.
I awaken to find you sitting in my lap caressing my face. It is barely dawn, but I can see the light from the smile in your eyes. Your raven hair loose on my chest, I reach to embrace you into me.
"Are you lost, my love?", you ask.
you can look
and you will find me
time after time
------ "time after time" by Cindy Lauper
In many different worlds, many different suns set across the water from our house on the beach. As I sit in my favourite rocking chair on our back porch with a glass of whiskey in my hand, I cannot recall whether I have lost you yet in this world or not. It is a subdued kind of evening, with the gentle repetitive sound of the waves broken only by the occasional cry of the hawk that nests at the far corner of our land. The blood red of the setting sun has suffused the waves with an amber that matches the color of the fire in my glass. I drain the remaining whiskey down in one gulp and reach for the bottle of Talisker on the rickety three legged stool on my left that you have long tried to get rid off in all these worlds. Smiling at the memory, I pour myself another shot and settle back to enjoy the rest of the sunset.
I awaken to find you sitting in my lap caressing my face. It is barely dawn, but I can see the light from the smile in your eyes. Your raven hair loose on my chest, I reach to embrace you into me.
"Are you lost, my love?", you ask.
Monday, April 30, 2018
No end
Love me, love me, say you do
Let me fly away with you
For my love is like the wind
And wild is the wind
------- From "Wild is the Wind" by David Bowie
In the thick rain, my car's headlights are barely a glimmer a few feet ahead on the treacherous road. Yet I know this winding narrow lonely mountain road that takes me to you so well that I drive on it with wild abandon. The overhang of the craggy mountain on the left side of the road is invisible in the dark of the night though I can feel it's ominous heavy presence. The car's engine is eerily soundless against the insistent metallic rush of rain on the roof of the car. The rain is trying to keep me from you. I had given up on the windshield wipers long ago and so I accelerate into the blinding rain, daring fate to do its worst. The feel of throwing the car around barely seen turns in the road is exhilarating. I will get to you. I rev the engine into the climb, prepared to not brake for anything. There will be no stopping.
I know this road will come to an end, but I don't want it to and so in this constant rain I close my eyes and drive solely through memory of the road ahead.
I hear the sound of mandolins.
Let me fly away with you
For my love is like the wind
And wild is the wind
------- From "Wild is the Wind" by David Bowie
In the thick rain, my car's headlights are barely a glimmer a few feet ahead on the treacherous road. Yet I know this winding narrow lonely mountain road that takes me to you so well that I drive on it with wild abandon. The overhang of the craggy mountain on the left side of the road is invisible in the dark of the night though I can feel it's ominous heavy presence. The car's engine is eerily soundless against the insistent metallic rush of rain on the roof of the car. The rain is trying to keep me from you. I had given up on the windshield wipers long ago and so I accelerate into the blinding rain, daring fate to do its worst. The feel of throwing the car around barely seen turns in the road is exhilarating. I will get to you. I rev the engine into the climb, prepared to not brake for anything. There will be no stopping.
I know this road will come to an end, but I don't want it to and so in this constant rain I close my eyes and drive solely through memory of the road ahead.
I hear the sound of mandolins.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Crime?
Is it a crime?
Is it a crime
that I still want you
and that I want you
to want me too?
------ From "Is it a crime?" by Sade
In the far distance beyond the volcano, a drum beats out of time.
I caress your face with my breath and whisper, "tell me something from the dream that I am in."
In the moonlight, I hold you close in the dance, swaying gently. Everything fades into you, into the feeling of you in my arms.
It is not that without you I have reason to complain about my life. It is just that without you my life does not really feel mine. Tonight, in this very dance, you could say the words to stop the sun from rising and we can find our home in the never ending night of this world. Who needs other worlds and days beyond that?
In my arms, you can rest your face against my chest and tell me about all the other lives you have lived. I will kiss your hair every now and then and gently pull you back into the life we have together.
In the far distance, a drum beats out of time.
Is it a crime
that I still want you
and that I want you
to want me too?
------ From "Is it a crime?" by Sade
In the far distance beyond the volcano, a drum beats out of time.
I caress your face with my breath and whisper, "tell me something from the dream that I am in."
In the moonlight, I hold you close in the dance, swaying gently. Everything fades into you, into the feeling of you in my arms.
It is not that without you I have reason to complain about my life. It is just that without you my life does not really feel mine. Tonight, in this very dance, you could say the words to stop the sun from rising and we can find our home in the never ending night of this world. Who needs other worlds and days beyond that?
In my arms, you can rest your face against my chest and tell me about all the other lives you have lived. I will kiss your hair every now and then and gently pull you back into the life we have together.
In the far distance, a drum beats out of time.
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